I Figured You Out
by for you to notice
Summary: He goes from loveless relationship to the next, even though he knows it would be easier if they could all just be friends. They let him. BLP
1. Prologue

_Yay, my story! This is very different in feel... yet very similar to my other stories, so just please let me know what you think. Thanks to all the writers and reviewers that inspired me into getting this out. Enjoy._

"_I heard your wrists got bruised,_

_Must've felt just like old times._

_I wish you would've grabbed the gun_

_And shot me cause I died._

_And I'm nothing now without you;_

_Yeah I'm less than nothing now."_

Ryan Adams

She closed her eyes as she felt his fingers crawl across her body. Every touch was slower than the previous one, but it wasn't teasing her. She felt it vaguely, and knew it was the way it should be. So drawn out that it was nearly boring. He briefly touched his lips to her stomach, but pulled back almost immediately. It wasn't what they wanted to do. It didn't fit in with the rest of their sluggish deliberate movements.

Brooke took off her own shirt and let it fall behind his head, on the floor behind the chair. He dug his fingers farther into her back, liking how he saw the imprints of his fingers even after he let go. She dipped her head down to his chest and bunched the fabric she found there. His shirt caught underneath his arms as she fell down his body, finally settling herself between his legs on the floor.

He looked vacantly at her, pulling gently on her hair as he traced its path down her shoulders. She wouldn't feel guilty until later, but never guilty enough to turn him away when he was knocking on her door.

They didn't kiss much anymore. He'd kissed her a lot the first time. He had pushed her up against the wall, whispering to her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. He'd kissed her lips, sucking so hard on her mouth that she'd gotten a ring as if she'd just played into a mouthpiece. His eyes had been closed the whole time, but besides that, she'd swear that he did love her as much as he said.

She pulled his knees farther apart, her eyes locked on his as she dragged her hands up his thighs. He offered her some sort of smile and slouched further down in his chair. She felt as if she was knelt before a king who didn't have to order her around anymore. She was some sort of a slave that could anticipate whatever it was he needed.

As she thought on her knees, he reached down and unhooked his belt, slightly lifting his hips up, closer to her, as he pulled it out of his pants. His own girlfriend was all too willing to give him head, but it wasn't the same. It was forced and emotional. She always seemed to mean it.

Brooke tugged on his jeans, not even bothering to unbutton them, sliding them down his slim hips.

The first time she'd said something. She'd said a lot. Not that she didn't love hearing him gush about her, but she had something to say. She asked if he was sure; she'd said that she'd missed him. She didn't miss him anymore.

He closed his eyes softly when she took him into her mouth, his eyelashes fluttering more gently than he touched her anymore. He wasn't rough with her; he was just indifferent. It was what they did; it was expected. He knew she wouldn't turn him away, something that he'd never experienced when they were dating. There was always the chance that she'd be mad at him, or she'd be tired, or that she wanted to keep him guessing. They didn't have those kinds of problems anymore.

She finished him off, swallowing hard. She'd have that feeling in her throat for at least the next hour. He opened his eyes again and slid his ass back in the chair after pulling his pants back up. He reached out for her, and she willingly crawled into his lap. They could be friends again. She was still topless, and it would be a lie to say that he didn't notice. He pulled her down to him so that her forehead rested against his, her breath mixing with his in front of them. He looked dead ahead, holding her as they both came back to life.

Sometimes she wanted to shake him when they were together like this. When they would lie or sit together and not say a word so that their relationship could go back to normal. It seemed so sick and inhuman, and nothing like what she could've imagined when he used to tell her how he wanted to save her. Sometimes she wondered if he still did. She thought maybe if she could find the strength to shake him until he cried, she could rescue him first.

"I should probably get going; she's gonna call looking for me."

Brooke nodded, slipping off of his lap onto the chair. He looked at her when he stood up, still in her dark purple bra, her arms crossed beneath it.

"Hey."

She looked up at his voice, and he kissed her. He was cupping her cheek with his palm, trailing his finger along her jawbone until he flicked it off her chin along with his lips.

"What are you doing tomorrow? We could go out for a beer or something."

"Okay."

She had something to do, but she couldn't remember what it is. She'd blow it off anyway. They never drank when they were going to fuck; their fucking was never a mistake. They were real people in a bar, sometimes Peyton would join them and they would all laugh about the people they used to be.

"Okay. I'll see you around." He kissed her cheek and walked toward the door.

"Lucas?"

He turned around as soon as his hand touched the frame. "Yeah?"

I want to save you. I'm sorry. I think I still love you. Do you still think I'm beautiful? Why don't you dump her? Why don't you look at me when you cum? "Never mind." Brooke shook her head and smiled, pushing the thoughts out of her head. "Bye."

He raised his eyebrows with a boyish smile on his face and cocked his hand before closing the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 1

"_Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?_

_Do you miss my smell?_

_And does he drive you wild?_

_Or just mildly free?_

_What about me?" _Damien Rice

Brooke looked up from the practice problems in front of her to see Peyton staring back up at her. When Peyton saw Brooke's eyes, she offered a sort of smile, and Brooke did it back. She and Peyton getting back to being friends was a lot harder and a lot longer than it was with Lucas. She could be Lucas's friend again in a matter of minutes. A smile would be able to break the ice between them. Peyton's smile looked sad and hopeful at the same time. Maybe that was why.

Brooke looked back down at her hands on the table; when she lifted them up, she could see the sweat marks of her palm. She was unnecessarily nervous. Not about Peyton staring at her, but about how she was going to move on when she was fucking with her past.

After class, she swung her bag around her shoulder, comforting in its light thump against her back.

"Hey, you."

She turned, her mouth shut at the voice, and found another fake smile.

"Hey, what's up?"

Peyton smiled and shoved her hands down into her pockets. "Not much; calculus is just kicking my ass."

"Sounds like we have a lot in common."

Even when Peyton spoke, Brooke couldn't see her teeth. She knew they were there, but the rigid lipped smile Peyton was giving her told her otherwise.

"So... you wanna do something sometime? It seems the only times I see you, Lucas comes up."

"Yeah, I know. Um... give me a time and place, Peyt. We'll... do something."

"Great." Peyton did have teeth after all, Brooke thought, as she walked away. Peyton walked right to him, taking her hands out of her sweatshirt. That's why her teeth were showing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lightly hopped up to kiss his nose. He laughed at her as she fell back down, making some comment inappropriate for the halls of their high school. He laughed again, rubbing her forearms with energy he had no reason to reserve for Brooke.

It occurred to Brooke as she walked by Peyton and her boyfriend that Peyton didn't have many friends. There was always someone to walk next to Brooke and run for the seat next to her in class, but Peyton was always more of a reserved person. She never leaped into Nathan's arms to kiss a random body part. No one thought she was a loner or unpopular, unless they were seriously mistaken, but no one ran to her vacant side. Even Lucas walked.

"Brooke. Hi."

She turned around and found a bigger smile for Mouth. She took his arm before he could offered it and walked a bit quicker.

"So how's your girlfriend, player?"

"She's not my girlfriend. But she's good. How about you?"

"My girlfriend's taking a vacation."

"No, I mean, well, how are you?"

"I'm much better now that I'm talking to you."

"I just mean, since Lucas and Peyton... that has to be weird for you, right?"

"It's none of my business. And I want to keep it that way."

"He was your boyfriend. She was your best friend, if you remember."

Brooke shrugged and smiled. "So why wouldn't I want them to be happy?"

Peyton always wanted to hold his hand. It was if she wanted to prove to herself that she had the right to ask him. Lucas would smile and say of course as he dangled her fingers with his by his leg. He always had to smile. Peyton had a big thing with not being happy herself so much that he always had to assure her that he was.

He kissed her forehead when they got to his house; they were always walking everywhere. He made sure she'd be getting home okay, and she didn't mind walking alone. She said it was good for her. He supposedly understood.

"Alright, I'll see you, Peyton."

"Bye, boyfriend."

Well, that was weird.

Lucas tossed his keys down onto his comforter and lay down beside them across the skinny side. His legs dangled off the floor, and his hands came up over his eyes. He was going to hell.

His mom wasn't home. If it had been her, he would've invited Brooke in. They'd watch t.v. or make something horrible in the kitchen, and he would have to eat it while she laughed at him. They'd probably end up unconscious in his living room, probably on the floor, after having hot, passionate sex and reclothing themselves just in case they were too tired to hear Karen's key in the lock. But it wasn't her.

His phone rang silently by his head on his bed. He picked it up in case it was Peyton, and she got worried.

"Hello?"

"Luke? You want to do nothing with me?"

He smiled for real. "Yeah, where are you?"

"Outside your door."

Lucas rolled up and saw the shadow through his curtain. He laughed and kicked open the door.

"You'd think you were my stalker or something."

"Eh... you wish." Haley smiled and hugged him before sitting on top of the pillows on the top of his bed.

He sat next to her and took her hand instinctively in his as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What would you have done if Peyton was here?"

"When is Peyton ever here?"

And they left it at that. Haley had her iPod in, and she didn't really want to talk. He sat with her and thumped their hands up and down on the bed. She did this a lot ever since the miscarriage. She couldn't do it with Nathan; it made her too sad. She'd been sitting with Lucas when she was sad ever since they were both nine.

"So what's new with you?" She pulled out one of her earphones, letting it drop and letting him hear the muffled sound of The Smashing Pumpkins.

He shrugged, jostling her hair with his shoulder, and turned his chin down to her face.

"You know; trying to figure out how everything works."

"With Peyton."

He nodded silently.

"Relationships are hard," Haley stated, nodding her head wisely. He stared vacantly ahead when her voice came up again. "How's Brooke?"

No way Brooke told. "She's good. I think."

"I just heard you guys were hanging out some."

"A bit."

"That's kinda weird."

"Peyton just really wants us all to be friends."

"Why? Doesn't it make her nervous? I mean, after what you guys did when you were all friends..."

"She trusts me."

"Yeah, something she and I never had in common." Haley laughed and waited for him to do the same. When he just shook his head, but smiled; she dropped it.

"So how are you and Nathan doing? With everything?"

"He's all shooken up. It's weird, because he never acted like he cared when he-it was still... you know with us."

"Doesn't mean he didn't care, Hales. You know he did. Nate's just that kind of guy."

"Yeah, well..."

"You guys aren't gonna try for another one, are you?"

"No. No, of course not. That'd be silly. We're in high school. It was something we were going to deal with, not something we...wanted."

He felt her voice break and saw her look down to her chest and put her iPod back in. She was done talking for the night.

Brooke checked her phone and held it up to her ear. "Hello."

"Hey, Brooke, you wanna go to a bar or something? We should talk."

Brooke furrowed her eyebrows. "About anything in particular?"

"Just talk. I want to be friends again. If that's okay with you. I mean, I thought it was, because Lucas said you convinced him into... you know. And we had, like, a heart to heart, I thought I guess."

"No, yeah. We can be friends. Of course we can be friends. You should know I don't mean things I say."

Peyton laughed. "Yeah, right. So, you wanna meet up at the bar?"

"Oh, P. Sawyer gone bad."

"Right. I'll see you there in like a half hour?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Brooke checked the time. 7:15.

At 7:30, she pulled out of her driveway in a plum racer back tank top and jeans that sat where they were supposed to on her hips. She knew it was going to be awkward, but then they'd get drunk, and it had to start somewhere.

9:30, she was making out with Lucas behind the back door of the bar. Technically, it was up against the back door of the bar.

His hands trickled down her thighs as his hands clutched the skin of her hips.

"This is bad," she said.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Peyton thought Brooke would be more comfortable if it was the three of them. Brooke decided to start drinking early. She finally decided after a couple minutes of silence that they should play pool. Lucas had laughed at her, but he hadn't made a big deal. They played, and Brooke won and drank a couple dozen more beers. One for each time Peyton touched his hand. Peyton said she wasn't comfortable with letting Brooke drive home, so Lucas said he'd do it.

Her feet fell down to the cold pavement, her knees slipping slightly because of the alcohol in her blood. He let go of her waist and unbuttoned his shirt. She unzipped her jeans and bunched them around her knees above her boots. He pulled down his pants and kissed her chin, before closing his eyes and burying his face between her hair and the wall behind her, as he buried the rest of himself into her.

_Oh man, I know, right? Just to clear a few things up; I took the parts I liked, or, you know, needed (cough, Peyton and Lucas...) from 409 and got rid of the stuff I didn't. Lucas and Peyton are together, you don't get that, and it might be kind of hard for you to keep up; Haley had her miscarriage during the first time she went to the hospital, you know not the crazy Daunte time, that didn't happen at all here; um... yeah. Lucas's heart is fine, psht, forget about that. I didn't mean to put songs before both of these chapters, but it was necessary because they worked so well that I had to listen to them over and over as I wrote the chapters, so they definitely made the cut. Helluva good song. Both of them. Took a lot of me not to put the whole Damien Rice song at the beginning of this chapter. We'll see if I keep that up. Thanks for reading, please review! Ooh, long author's note. I haven't done that since like the seventh grade..._


	3. Chapter 2

"_To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own." Lincoln_

"Hey, stranger."

She turned around to see him walk up behind her.

"Hi."

"You know what's bad?" Lucas asked, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes nowhere near hers.

"What?"

"Peyton keeps talking about how you convinced me into asking her out. She gets kind of...upset about it."

"Oh... that's what she was talking about."

"She mentioned it to you?"

"Yeah, she thanked me, but I... I don't know; I thought she might be talking about something else. This makes more sense."

"Yeah."

"So she gets upset? Why?"

"She thinks I should've come up with it on my own."

"You did. Really. I just... encouraged you guys."

"I know. Peyton's just... worried."

Brooke nodded, her hands jerked up to her arms, running them up and down across her goosebumps.

"So, I'll see you later, okay? Just wanted to... you know, touch base or something." He smiled at her as he walked backwards away.

"Yeah, I'll see you." She waved.

And after they had had sex again and were sitting against her bed in their underwear, he started to try to talk to her again.

"Are you doing really badly in Calculus?"

"That's kind of random," she muttered as she leaned down so her virtually bare back hit the floor.

"Are you? I was just wondering. I heard some things, and..."

"I could be doing better. Haley's helping me."

"Oh, that's good." He nodded and slumped down to her level. "She asked about you."

"How do you mean?"

"Just wanted to know how you were doing. I thought it was weird, because if she's tutoring you... why does she need to ask me?"

"Probably something about our happy three's company situation with Peyton. We're all _friends_." Brooke rolled her eyes and looked away from him.

"We could all be friends, right?"

"You guys are dating; how would that work?"

"I don't know; we did it before."

"And you guys were making out behind my back."

"Yeah. And now you and I are fucking behind hers."

She laughed bitterly. "Yeah, isn't that just great?"

"Are you okay?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You sound... I don't know, angry."

"I'm great, Lucas. I just don't understand this."

"I thought you were okay with it all."

"I thought you weren't an asshole."

"Why the hell are you attacking me?"

"Does it ever bother you? What you do to girls?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You don't care, Lucas. You figure you've got a killer smile and a hot ass, so why shouldn't you have the goddamn right to go and get yours. Is that normal? You're gonna have so many issues one day."

"I don't have to take this."

"You're right; you should've left a long time ago."

"Sorry." He grabbed his pants and shirt off the floor, slamming the door before he even had time to change.

Brooke lay still on the floor, ready to burst into tears if she had to. She had wanted to make him angry; that was the only reason she would say anything like that to him. She wanted him to give her some emotion, besides the friend shit that he was willing to give Nathan or Skills. She wanted to be a girl he was screwing, instead of a buddy. Now she was just that. She missed him when he was gone.

As he stomped down her driveway, Lucas pulled out his cell phone and dialed his third speed dial contact.

"Hello?"

"Peyton? What are you doing?"

"Thinking about you." He could hear her smile.

"Well, that's a little creepy."

"Yeah, well, why don't you get your ass over here, so we can fix that?"

He looked backward to Rachel's house and looked into the curtains by Brooke's window as he smiled too and said, "There's no place I'd rather be."

Peyton lay silent on his bare stomach as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Lucas closed his eyes when he kissed her forehead, his head arched on top of hers.

He should've felt dirty. He should've been ashamed. He should've been running Brooke's acid filled words through his head. He should've felt something besides boredom, laying there in his girlfriend's bed in the same position that he'd held minutes ago on his ex girlfriend's floor.

The only things Lucas could really focus on were different justifications to Peyton for his extended absences. He wondered if Brooke would hesitate before pulling open her blankets.

"Lucas?"

"Uh-huh."

"How's your mom doing?"

"That's a little awkward," he muttered, gesturing to their current situations.

Peyton laughed and shook her curls against his skin. "Well, yeah, I just mean... have you noticed that we don't talk like we used to ever since we... well, you know."

"We talk."

"But not like friends."

"That's because we're not. Well, we are, but there's other things to talk about," he mumbled into her as he pulled her farther onto his lap. She sat up on his torso in a delicate tank top that he could see right through, weaving her fingers through his and smiling shyly down at him.

"What?" he asked at her hesitance.

"Nothing, I just... this is new, you know? It's going to take some getting used to."

"Getting used to what?"

"Touching you. Like this."

He smiled and sighed without releasing the air from his lips. He watched Peyton with blurred eyes as she kept talking to him about things he couldn't hear. This was bad. He shouldn't have come here as a retaliation. That was bad. Peyton was still talking to him, and he felt sorry for not listening.

"We should do something. Together. Get used to being a couple, or whatever." He changed the subject so he wouldn't have to respond to her.

Her smile was undeniable. "Something? Like what?"

"Like get out of Tree Hill. For like a weekend or something."

"Where do you want to go?"

"To the stars." He laughed, sitting up so he could place a kiss on her mouth. She giggled when he traced his hand down her chest and released her mouth.

"Seriously. That's a really good idea; we should do it."

"My mom would probably never go for it."

"She used to let you sleep over Brooke's all the time. It's not like she thinks you're a monk."

"Yeah, well..." He brushed his hair off of his neck and gently scratched. "She's all high strung because of the pregnancy and everything. Just forget it."

"So why'd you even bring it up?"

"Because. I thought it'd be good. It's just improbable."

"You could ask."

"I could." She looked so sad in front of him that he couldn't help but kiss her again. "I'll ask."

She smiled again and kissed him with her eyes closed. He watched her kiss him back, hesitantly touching him wherever she wanted. He wondered if Brooke was crying.

Brooke sat in the middle of her bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. She wasn't mad at him; she couldn't be mad at him. She could pretend to be who she used to be around all of them, but when she sat alone like this, it was just her. And Brooke didn't lie to herself anymore.

She was sorry for Peyton. Not that she was getting cheated on, that she was naïve enough to think she could have the best of both worlds. That she still believed that everything could be perfect. Brooke herself was learning more and more every day how to settle for what you have instead of wishing you could go back to the way things were.

But she did miss what his face used to look like in the morning. He'd curl his leg around her blankets and wrap his arm around her pillow. He'd slowly wake up and look at her and smile. It was a tired smile with his eyes only half open, but it would make her so happy that he looked so happy that she couldn't help but kiss him.


	4. Chapter 3

"Brooke! Over here!"

Brooke crossed her arms across her chest, tossing her hair as nonchalantly as possible over her shoulder. Peyton smiled with her teeth, wrapping her arms enthusiastically around her boyfriend's mistress.

"Sit down; you look gorgeous." Peyton took her seat across the table from her, her chest rising quickly as she took a huge breath. Brooke smiled hesitantly, glancing down at her dark purple, velvet dress cut to her bra and knees, slightly suspicious of her lack of looking gorgeous and more like a whore.

"Thanks, you...you look great too."

Peyton just grinned back at her, checking her phone before turning her attention back to Brooke.

"Expecting someone else?"

"Yeah, Lucas. I told him to get here by seven."

"Lucas is coming?"

"Yeah, I thought it... I don't know, maybe it would make this less awkward."

Brooke raised her eyebrows as she shifted in the booth and wondered how many times Lucas could glare at her in one night.

"So, how's...everything?" Peyton asked, leaning farther in.

"Good. Everything's good."

"Good. Me too."

"Good." Brooke nodded and held her hands out in front of her.

"I'm glad... I'm glad we're here. Peyton, I..."

"Brooke, I'm sorry. It's my fault that we're like this now, and it's just that I wanted the fairy tale. And I hurt you trying to get it."

"Yeah, but this shouldn't have to be..."

"Hey." Cutting her off, Lucas kissed the side of Peyton's head and sat down next to her. "Sorry I'm late."

Peyton's eyes were nowhere near Brooke anymore. They shone across Lucas's entire self, as she curled closer into him.

"We were starting to think you were going to stand us up or something."

Us. Brooke tried to smile it off.

"Two beautiful girls for the price of one? I wouldn't miss this for the world." He looked up casually towards Brooke and offered her the tiniest smile that grew in a matter of seconds when he faced Peyton.

"Well, you're lucky you came now, because I'm so starving, I was this close to hitting up some old man to buy me dinner," Peyton said as she pulled out her menu.

"Oh, was I interrupting? Because I could just..." He shrugged and started to scoot out of the booth when Peyton wrapped her arms around his, giggling as she tugged him back towards her. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"We can just feed Brooke to the old men, anyways," Lucas said, giving himself a reason to look up and stare at her. "She'll probably think of something to keep them distracted from their checkbooks."

"Yeah. Um... I'm gonna go... powder my nose. I'll be right back." Brooke slid out, crossing her arms again as she shuffled towards the bathrooms.

"Was it something I said?" Peyton asked, furrowing her brow and releasing Lucas's arm.

"I'll go check on her," Lucas muttered as he turned his glance in her path.

"You don't think we should give her a chance to..."

"I'll be right back." He stood up and wove through the tables, finding the front desk and looking down the hall to the bathrooms. He started to walk down it when he saw a figure sitting outside on the sidewalk wearing a rich, velvet dress and holding its head on its knees.

"Brooke." He closed the restaurant door behind him as he took the seat next to Brooke on the road. She shook her head.

"Lucas, don't. Just go away."

"I've already ruined half of the formal wear I own just sitting here, got nothing really left to lose."

"Except everything."

"What about you? Why are you spoiling that knockout of a dress?"

"I've got no one left to knock out; it really didn't seem to matter."

"I'm sorry. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come."

"Peyton wanted you here. A hell of a lot more than she wanted me."

"You're the only reason we're here."

"Because she thinks it's what you'd want."

"What do I want?"

"It to be like it was. When we were all great friends. She thinks you're unhappy and this is the only way to fix that. Why else would she keep trying to put me through this hell?"

"Brooke, are you making any sense right now?"

"It's true. You can't pretend it isn't. She chose you over me months ago."

"When was that?"

"When she didn't consider hurting me and helped herself instead."

"Brooke..."

"I'm feeling better, Lucas. We can go back inside."

He touched her back gently, goosebumps rising up under his warm hands while her exposed skin stayed smooth. She arched her back away from him and pulled her knees in closer.

"Brooke, you don't have to..."

"Don't touch me." She felt her eyes swell, so she bit down into her bottom lip.

"Okay. Okay." He held his hands up in front of her face and pulled his legs in closer too.

She shook her head when she felt the first tear fall. When the second one came, she didn't even notice as he pulled her into his chest. He wrapped one arm around her head, burying her in his jacket and ducking his head to lay his cheek on the top of her head. She closed her eyes, not letting it register that he was the only real friend she had.

Words were coming out of his mouth that she couldn't hear as his hand slowly slid down her hair. Her shoulders were shaking, slowing slightly when his jacket came around her back. Her arms curled in closer as she let him slip his hand to her back and pull her farther in.

"Brooke, it doesn't have to be like this," he whispered more to himself than to her as he felt a final tremble escape her lips.

"I'm tired, Lucas." Her voice was absorbed by his shirt, but he heard her anyway. He nodded, his thumb stroking the hair on her bare back. She gently shivered, shaking his jacket off of her, and moving backward so she could see his eyes. His hand came around to rest on her cheek, holding her steady as he leaned in closer and kissed her quickly.

Her hand found the back of his head in an attempt to pull him in closer when his eyes opened and he shook his head.

"Whoa... I'm... I'm sorry. I should..." He fell backward, his hand coming up to his mouth. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry." Standing up, he left her alone on the pavement. She could see him walk back over to Peyton, slipping his arm around her waist as she asked about Brooke. He'd make something up, some excuse for why Brooke wouldn't be coming back into the restaurant. Peyton would smile anyway, because he'd be smiling, and she'd probably come in closer, maybe dropping a kiss on his lips before resting her head beneath his chin.

Happily ever after.

Brooke shivered gently, covering her arms with her palms, ducking her head as she went to look for her car.

"Brooke!"

She turned back around, as Lucas came running up to her. "I'm gonna take you home."

"What?"

"I'm gonna take you home. I'll take you to get your car tomorrow."

"What about Peyton?"

"She's worried about you." He walked past her, not looking down to her, but taking her heels out of her hand and carrying them for her instead. She followed him obediently, watching his feet move quicker as he got closer to his car. He left the passenger door open for her as he walked around to the other side.

He didn't have anything to say to her for the fifteen minutes it took them to get to her house. When he parked outside, however, he slowly pulled the brake and murmured under his breath.

"I'm really sorry about that. Before. It wasn't... appropriate."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Brooke... I know this isn't easy or exactly... ideal, but... well I really am sorry for all of it."

"Okay. So are you... are you going to come..."

"Maybe we should cool it. This isn't you."

"What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't... even if Peyton's not your friend... I know you're not like that."

"But Lucas..."

"You know it's true. It's all my fault; that's why I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you do something you didn't want to do."

"You didn't make me do anything."

"I should've stopped it earlier."

"Lucas, I can think for myself. Don't try to act like this is all about you, because it isn't."

"Whatever, you going to get out?"

She looked at his vacant face as he turned away. Her breath caught in her throat, but she nodded to his reflection in the window. "Yeah," she murmured.

"This is wrong, Brooke. I'm sorry."

"It was wrong yesterday too. And the day before. And the week before."

"I didn't say it wasn't."

"Great. I'll see you around sometime then." She smiled wide, shaking her head as she stumbled out of his car, ready to make the long walk to her door.

"Brooke!"

She turned around for the third time that night o see him leaning against the roof of his car out his window.

"It's not that I don't want to. You both just deserve better."

"Whatever." She faced her door again when he called her name.

"I wish things were different sometimes."

"I do all the time, Lucas. Every day." She didn't even bother looking into his eyes as she continued in her pursuit of the door.

She slammed it hard enough for him to hear it across the lawn. Sinking down the door to the floor, Brooke felt her tears coming down again.

"Every day, I wish it was me. I wish you'd spend the night and hold me when you don't have to. I wish you'd smile every time you looked at me like you used to. I wish Peyton would give you up. I've wished that for years," Brooke whispered as her head hit Rachel's black door.


	5. Chapter 4

Lucas closed his eyes as he heard the shower start in the next room. He'd been awake for a little over an hour, watching the back of Peyton's head as she shifted in her sleep, tossing her hair over the pillow. Her hair was really beautiful. It looked so soft, and so sweet, and she looked so young when it fell into her eyes when she was smiling. She had woken up about ten minutes ago, so he had closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

He did that a lot. He was just interested. Girls were such mysteries to him, that the idea of catching them when they didn't think anyone could see them was irresistible. Back when they were dating, Brooke used to always sit up and look at him for a few seconds. He'd hear the sheets rustling as she inched closer to him, hovering her body over him close enough that he could feel it but not too close so that if he had actually been asleep it would have woken him up. She'd kiss his lips, or his forehead, or the side of his head by his eye, or his jaw line, then tuck her face in under his ear and whisper "good morning" before she got up to change or shower or whatever it was she did.

Peyton just walked away. Lucas could hear her.

Leaning over the bed, he found his phone in his pants on the floor. That was another thing. When he slept a night with Brooke in their underwear, she spend the entire night, despite her state of consciousness, trying to get as close to him as possible. She'd wrap her leg around his; she'd curl herself into the nook between his neck and chest; she'd drape her arm around him, tucking her fingers under his side. Peyton rolled over onto her side away from him. Like it was awkward.

Not that it wasn't. He couldn't really believe that his mother would let him get away with this. She gave him way more credit than he deserved. Peyton's dad had so much faith in him that he paid for his daughter and her boyfriend to go to a hotel a few hundred miles up the shore from him. That couldn't make sense.

His phone stated the time to him and nothing else. He didn't really know what he was expecting; she was mad at him. Not that she was really mad at him, she just probably wasn't talking to him. She sure as hell wasn't about to call him, not when he was away with Peyton.

"_Thanks," Brooke mumbled when he pushed open the passenger door for her, her hair tucked behind her ear loosely. Whenever he used to push her hair back, he always did it so carefully that it wouldn't fall out. Now, her hair was covering her face in a few minutes._

_She crossed her arms across her chest, her face hiding from him through more ways than her hair. She was embarrassed; he could tell by the way her legs were crossed. The chemistry between them was appropriate for exes. It was weird, and it was new._

"_Yeah, no problem." He shifted the car into gear, casually resting his arm around the back of her seat. Immediately after it was settled, he wondered how casually he could take it back. It didn't really belong there._

"_So did you go back to the restaurant last night?"_

"_I told Peyton I would."_

_That silenced her question without doubt. Of course he went back. He was Peyton's boyfriend; they would've fought if he didn't. She might cry. He would never want that._

_He wanted to ask her if she'd changed clothes since he'd dropped her off at her house sixteen hours ago. He doubted it. Her hair was most certainly unwashed. If he had been feeling bitter like he had been, he would've definitely asked her without even looking in her direction. Considering the current situation, he just felt bad for the both of them._

_Brooke's sweatshirt seemed abnormally tight to her whenever she saw him glance in her direction. She pulled her hands closer around her rib cage, the idea of losing her breath not even a possibility. She wasn't really able to breathe anyway. She wondered if it would have been better if Peyton had driven her to get her car. Probably not._

_She wished he would say her name. Scream it like he had four times the night before. It was the most intimate they'd been in a long time. Now, he wasn't even granting her with more than two syllable words. Like he didn't care. He didn't care._

_He pulled the brake when they reached the dark, despite it being one in the afternoon, parking lot. Neither of them motioned to get out._

"_I'm sorry. About the way things turned out." He nodded assertively._

"_Don't be."_

"_I shouldn't have... kissed you."_

"_We shouldn't have done a lot of things."_

"_But it was inappropriate. And you were sad, and Peyton was inside, and it was bad. I just couldn't really help it."_

"_It was appropriate. Don't be sorry."_

"_It was wrong. I can't help but feel... bad."_

"_What about that made you feel bad? After everything?"_

_He got quiet. She wondered if his eyes were closed. After her hand touched the doorknob, she heard him finally reply._

"_It meant something."_

"_Oh, yeah, I forgot about all the times you just wanted to fuck. Those were great fun for everyone, weren't they?"_

_She meant for him to get angry again and say something back that was mean and quick and hit her in the chest. Instead, he just shook his head._

"_You should've said something. If you weren't into it, you should've just... said something."_

_She shook her head and opened the door, stepping silently out. Her car was the only other one in the endless rows of dirty pavement. She walked around to her door, stopping when she saw that he still wasn't looking at her._

"_That was never the problem, Lucas."_

_She shivered, and he thought briefly to her sitting alone on the sidewalk all done up. Somehow, this seemed the same. They were the only ones around, not that they weren't everytime they were together. And not just because they were sneaking around._

"_You look good," he said quietly, not really sure if he meant it. He might even despite all those biting words he had thought before._

"_Don't lie to me."_

Lucas wondered if he knew what it was to be sad. After all those weeks with Brooke where he taught himself not to feel anything, it was possible that he could never go back. Not that anyone could notice, he told himself. He kissed his girlfriend when he should; he got mad at his ex like he should; he hugged his mother before he left the house. It all still just felt like he was going through the motions.

Peyton came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her chest, smiled, and offered him a small little wave. He smiled obediently back, the thought of opening his arms to her so she could crawl back into bed before she put on makeup, and combed her hair, and put on anything besides that simple towel never occurring to him.

He arched his back slightly to see her changing in the corner with the light in the window gliding through her pale hair and glowing over her porcelain skin. She ran her hands through her wet hair a couple times, her eyes finally locking on his when the phone in his hand began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I shouldn't have called."

"Oh. It's...okay."

"Yeah, I just... sorry."

The line went dead and he held the phone up to his ear just a little longer.

"Who was that?" Peyton walked over to him fully dressed with her hair on its way to being completely dried and fluffy again.

"My mom. She said she's swamped at the café and she needs help."

"So _you_ have to go? She's been busy before."

"I don't know; maybe she's uncomfortable. I've never really been away from her, you know?"

"I guess, she's a big girl's all though."

"Did you just call my mother big?" He grinned, slipping his hand to her neck as he kissed her quickly. "You can stay, if you want. It'd be good to relax, right?"

"No, if you're going back..."

"Stay, Peyton. You deserve it. Let me fix both of you at the same time."

"I'm not broken. Why would staying here fix me?" She crossed her arms under her chest and leaned against the wall as he started piling clothes into his suitcase.

He shrugged, staring down at his clothes as he fit the zipper around them. "We all need to get away from it all sometimes."


	6. Chapter 5

_Gotta thank a couple people for contributing to this chapter, because I'm kind of over this story, and it takes a lot to get me inspired to write it. First, major props to John Legend for singing like he does... More importantly, I want to mention one of my best friends for actually living this whole story that I'm writing, and showing me that sometimes cheesy is true. Her Lucas, finally, gave me a lot of inspiration as well. It takes a lot of skill to be an asshole, but still make someone feel like she has everything she ever needed._

He stood in front of her door for what seemed like forever. She was completely oblivious to his presence, but she was thinking of him nonetheless. Not that that was fate or anything, she seemed to always be thinking of him. He'd been trying to think of her less, but somehow, as his hand crept up her best friend's thigh, her skin was what his fingers were pressing into.

The only thing she was really aware of anyway was the rain that seemed to be shooting into her roof. He was aware of it too, due to the goosebumps on his arms and the plastering of his hair to the back of his neck, a sharp contrast from the undeniably pleasant weather back with his girlfriend. He had knocked lightly on the door, reconsidering after a crack of lightning broke the clouds and pounding instead. He was conscious to the fact that Rachel or even perhaps Rachel's invisible parents were home, but it didn't really seem to matter at this point.

He heard footsteps approaching, and the idea of running his hand through his hair seemed logical, not that it made him look anymore presentable. He knew she was going to be the one to open the door; he doubted anyone was even there in that huge house to keep her safe from the thunder. It made him all the more anxious to see her in the doorframe.

When she finally opened the door in jeans and one of his old tee shirts, he forgot why he came back. She stood in front of him looking like she always used to, and he couldn't remember why he had to plan out a reason and way of getting to her. She was his; that was all his thought process was concentrating on.

"I thought you were in..."

He stepped forward, breaking his hypnosis, and found her cheeks with his hands as his lips came crashing down onto hers. Her hands came instinctively up to his, but the rain easily slipped them down to his wrists. Her fingers clutched on for dear life as his tongue parted her lips. His wet hands slid down to her neck as he pulled back for the cold air to refill his lungs.

"I'm sorry. I messed this whole thing up. I don't know... I didn't... I still don't know what I want in the long run. But right now, right here, right there, with her, all I wanted was you. And I'm sorry if that's not good enough; I mean I know it's not good enough, but it's how I feel. And you have all the right in the world to hate me as much as you want to, and to throw me out as fast as you want to, but please just know that I need you." He was gasping for air now, his eyes scanning her now wet face for any sign of a response.

She looked down as her body lost its air as well, his hands still slippery but firm around her neck.

"What are you thinking?" He looked desperately down to her as she shook her head.

"I don't... I can't do this. Here. Now. With you. I'm sorry."

It seemed to him like she was just repeating his previous sentiments, making him wonder if she was really able to hear any of it.

"Brooke, I want to be with you."

"It's not like you didn't have the opportunity," she mumbled as her eyes hid from him.

His hands fell off of her, crossing to find his elbows instead. "Oh, okay. Well, I'll just..."

"I just don't think it's fair that you can say all this and still be with her. You obviously are... either capable of so much that you can love her more than you... like me, or you're just full of bullshit. Either way, I can't... I can't do this right now."

"But Brooke I..."

"You talk a lot, Lucas. And it's not fair. Because I believe you."

"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave you alone? Because you didn't seem to exactly forget about me for that second there."

"I didn't. I don't. I just... don't want this."

"I don't know what you're exactly expecting of me."

"I don't know how you can talk to me like this right now."

"Then, I'll just go." He stepped back, letting his hands glide off of her as he turned towards the rain.

"Lucas, you don't..."

"Stop talking like this, Brooke! You don't know... what you're saying. You keep going back and forth."

"You don't think you're going back and forth? Jesus, Lucas! Not just between me and my _best friend_, but with... even when you're just here with me, you're all over the place!"

"Then, I'll just get out of the place."

"Do you seriously think that's what I want?" Her voice faltered, falling to a throaty whisper very quickly.

"I don't know what you want. That's all that I _seriously_ think." His hands came up to the back of his own neck, his eyes squeezing shut as raindrops dripped down his cheeks. "Brooke, you're... I came back for you. You realize that? I couldn't stand to be there without you, so I come back so I can fight with you over the same things over and over again."

"I cannot believe you."

"Me? What about you? You're such a... woman!'

"Well, that's real mature."

"Brooke!" he groaned, turning away from her.

"What?"

"Why are you making this so hard?" He was whispering too.

"We're not in an easy situation." She crossed her arms, arching her back away from him as her eyes scanned his shoes.

"But what changed? We're the same as we were last week."

"This isn't a new problem, Lucas."

"But why can't we just..."

"We can't go back to anything. There's no... good time for us. With who we are and not who we were."

"But Brooke, what if I love..."

"I don't want you to love me. You say you love Peyton, and you can't... I won't ever let what you do to Peyton happen to me again."

"I'm sorry, I really am. Maybe I'm a weak person. I'm sorry for that. Maybe I should just leave you alone."

"You're trying to get me to say I need you."

"I'm just trying to understand our situation."

"Good luck."

"God, Brooke..."

"This isn't good enough for me anymore. I thought it could mean nothing, but you mean something. Okay? Happy?"

"No."

"Luke, I don't know what else to say."

He looked over his shoulder back to her, starting to get wet from his assaulting body, her hands awkwardly on her hips as she bit her lip to prevent any emotion.

"I love you, Brooke."

"No. Don't."

"I can't help it."

She shook her head and crossed his arms as he turned around and looked at her. "I love you, Brooke."

"Stop."

He pulled her hands off of her chest, holding them against his chest as she felt his heart beating faster than the rain was hitting the ground. He bent gently down, kissing her softly as she stood frozen to her stance. He had gotten surprisingly warm, using his thumb to gently hold her chin still, not like she needed it. She couldn't move if she had wanted to. No matter how much she wanted to get rid of him, she had been wondering how long it would take him to realize she couldn't push him away either.

His other hand released her fingers, finding her waist and spreading his hands as goosebumps began to line her waistband. She moaned uncomfortably, her head fighting between pushing him away and pulling him closer. He smiled.

"She was my best friend, Lucas," she mumbled into his mouth, closing her eyes as she stumbled backward. "I would've done anything for her."

"Mm-hmm."

She kissed him back.

"This... is so... bad." She had gotten the door open, bumping into the banister as he continued to back her up.

"Mmm..."

"We were supposed to talk and be done with this." She considered tears, but his hands sliding up her back felt so familiar.

He didn't say anything.

"We didn't fix anything."

They found her bedroom door.


	7. Chapter 6

"Don't go."

Lucas slipped his cell phone into his pocket and felt it clunk against his thigh, his shirt finally over his head again, but his chin turning around when he heard her voice, small behind him.

"What?"

"Don't go." She stood up, pulling the pale yellow sheets up with her. "I don't want you to."

"Brooke, I have to. She called."

"But I don't want you to, Luke."

"But she's my girlfriend."

"I don't want you to go. I said it; what else do you want from me?"

"Brooke, there isn't..."

She traipsed across the room, creating a train of sand and a halo around her head from the crack in the curtains. She touched the back of his neck, curling her fingers around his hair as she stood on her tip toes to kiss him. He groaned as he put his hand on her shoulder, pushing her heels back to the ground.

"Brooke, I can't _do_ this."

"You're lying. You _did_ me just fine."

"You know it's not the same."

"No. It's not the same. It's easy as hell to fuck with me, but god forbid you don't come running when Peyton calls. I thought she was still at the beach."

"I hate when you do that."

"Do what, Lucas? Talk? I thought you wanted to 'work things out.'"

"I have to go."

"Don't! Don't go! Do you want me to tell you again? Because I don't give a shit anymore, Lucas." She stomped her foot, her tousled hair and faint blush giving her age away despite her three year old pout.

"Brooke, come on..."

"_Come on_. Where the fuck do you get off? You think you're such a fucking blessing to everyone, but you're just a scared... _guy_ who doesn't know what he wants! Lucas, you're worthless! You're impossible! You're not deep; you're confused! You can't write, because you don't know how to live. I don't know why the _hell_ you think you're somebody, because you're, you're nothing! And I..."

"Why the _fuck_ are you so difficult? Peyton was never..." His arms extended, one tucked under his collar, and the other reaching for something it just couldn't seem to find.

"I love you!"

His arms dropped.

"_What_?" he screamed at her.

"I love you." She dropped back down to her heels without his help. She had been growing taller the louder her voice got; but when her voice lowered below a whisper, she fell down.

"Who _are _you? Who says that? If you hate me so bad, then how can you..."

"I don't hate you. Why would I want you to stay so bad?"

"You're messed up." He turned around, pulling his still damp jacket around his shoulders.

"Lucas!" Her hands were clutching her sheets so hard that her knuckles were white.

"What?" he turned around, his eyes slanted and his feet already at the door.

She stepped forward again to kiss him. His eyes closed and his hands dropped to find her back, lost in the encompassing blankets surrounding her frame. She let go of her modesty, winding her arms around his neck so tightly that nothing fell. His hands found the backs of her legs, pulling them up until they came up and hooked around his waist. He turned and pressed her up the now closed door, her hair cushioning the thunk her head could've made. She bit into his bottom lip before he dragged his mouth down to her naked clavicle and shoulders and light freckle that was usually hidden.

"You're so messed up," he mumbled.

"I can change."

"Don't."

Her thigh was pressed so close up against his that she could feel the vibration in his pocket. He kissed her harder.

His knees were starting to buckle, so he backed up until he hit her mattress, letting the two of them fall backward.

She sat up.

"So you happy?" he asked from beneath her.

"This is so messed up."

He laughed.

_Tell her the chips are down_

_I drank too much and shouted it aloud_

_Tell her something in my heart_

_Needs her more than even clowns need the laughter of the crowd  
_

_Tell her what was wrong_

_I sometimes think too much_

_But say nothing at all_

_And tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall_

_Tell her not to go_


End file.
